At some point and time we have all had our hearts broken. Most all of
us have had to experience more than our fair share of nights lying in
bed, crying our eyes out and listening to Journey (80’s band that made
adults over 35 cry a lot). While the music has definitely changed, the
pain of heartbreak remains the same. It still hurts.
Long gone are the little notes slipped inside school lockers saying “Goodbye” and “but we can always be just friends.” Now, social media, text messaging and emails have brought a whole new low to how our feelings get hurt, dreams shattered and the possibility for all the world to see us at our most vulnerable have greatly increased.
These
same methods of breaking up have also greatly increased the amount of
pressure we are all under to protect ourselves from public humiliation
and ticket sales to our sorrow. Indeed, nobody wants to get their
feelings hurt, no more than we want to hurt someone’s feelings by
breaking up with them. Far too many simply haven’t thought it out in
advance and found the best way to let someone down as easy as possible.
Hopefully, if you are in a relationship that has ran its course, or have someone who you know has feelings for you but those feelings are not mutual, you will take a tip from this “top 10 ways to breakup without hurting their feelings” list and let them down in a way that will hopefully be the easiest on their feelings. If you are as considerate of their feelings as you hope others would be to yours, maybe learning how to breakup gently will ensure your deserving the same compassion in the future.
In the event you still feel the same way after careful consideration, explain to the person the positive reasons the relationship should end. No, do not blast them with all their faults at once or scream to the heavens why riding them from your life is the greatest thing that could ever to happen to you! However, calmly and gently explain how much better their life might be if it were not for your holding them back.
You will be able to practice different tactics, motives or even possibly find that, when said out load, your reasons sound stupid, selfish or immature. Honestly, so many people fail to actually think this part through and when they begin telling someone why they wish to end the relationship, they sound like a damn fool. Think it through, rehearse and ask your friend helping you to give honest feedback.
Even if they are not taking it well and begin yelling or possibly even calling you names, remember, they are hurting badly. Try not to let your good sense be overridden by pride and anger as well. You want to be graceful and display class. Later, if the person still has nothing good to say about you at all, they can at least acknowledge the fact you broke up with them in the most delicate, polite and graceful manner as they could ever have hoped for.
Breaking up while on vacation or far off from home only means you will either be stranded there, or be forced to endure the hugely emotional ride home with all the friction, tension and uncomfortable feelings being tossed about the vehicle for who knows how long. Plan a time and place where you both can talk privately, and then go your separate ways and allow them time to heal a bit before being forced into public displays of emotional Hell.
This not only hurts the one who is hearing of the demise of their love through second-hand sources, it also displays little grace, tact or class on your part to the ones you are telling this too! Have a respectable reputation for grace and owe yourself and your future ex better!
Long gone are the little notes slipped inside school lockers saying “Goodbye” and “but we can always be just friends.” Now, social media, text messaging and emails have brought a whole new low to how our feelings get hurt, dreams shattered and the possibility for all the world to see us at our most vulnerable have greatly increased.
Grace, Tact & Class
These
same methods of breaking up have also greatly increased the amount of
pressure we are all under to protect ourselves from public humiliation
and ticket sales to our sorrow. Indeed, nobody wants to get their
feelings hurt, no more than we want to hurt someone’s feelings by
breaking up with them. Far too many simply haven’t thought it out in
advance and found the best way to let someone down as easy as possible.Hopefully, if you are in a relationship that has ran its course, or have someone who you know has feelings for you but those feelings are not mutual, you will take a tip from this “top 10 ways to breakup without hurting their feelings” list and let them down in a way that will hopefully be the easiest on their feelings. If you are as considerate of their feelings as you hope others would be to yours, maybe learning how to breakup gently will ensure your deserving the same compassion in the future.
Top 10 best ways to breakup without breaking hearts of your boyfriend or girlfriend
1. Think long and hard on why you want to breakup
Take out a notebook and pen and begin writing down all the pros and cons of the relationship. Truth is, your breaking up could be an impulse move and after you sit down and really think about it a while, it is possible you might have only thought you needed to breakup.In the event you still feel the same way after careful consideration, explain to the person the positive reasons the relationship should end. No, do not blast them with all their faults at once or scream to the heavens why riding them from your life is the greatest thing that could ever to happen to you! However, calmly and gently explain how much better their life might be if it were not for your holding them back.
2. Face to Face is always the more respectful and considerate way to breakup
Thanks to cell phones, so many of us have found it easier to say things through text messages that we find hard to say in person. Sending someone who cares about you a “Goodbye” text is never a good idea. Nor is it very respectful of the feelings they have for you. They care enough of you to feel the way they do about you. Don’t let them down by text/cell phone and show that you were never worthy of earning those feelings to begin with.3. Keep your relationship off social media sites
If you have decided to end things between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, give them a few days to absorb the news and let their friends know about the breakup before you go on your social media site discussing it. And for Pete’s sake, don’t change your relationship status to “Single” before you have even officially broke up, nor for a day or so afterwards! Having a friend call and say they seen where the love of their life has changed their status to single is a crappy way to find out your relationship is rocky!4. Rehearse your breakup conversation
Have a friend or sibling you trust to sit in and pretend to be your partner. Calmly discuss your reasons to breakup to them as if you were talking directly to the one whose heart you’re trying to avoid breaking. This will help better prepare you for questions they might ask, as well as allow you the opportunity to actually hear your reasoning for the breakup out loud.You will be able to practice different tactics, motives or even possibly find that, when said out load, your reasons sound stupid, selfish or immature. Honestly, so many people fail to actually think this part through and when they begin telling someone why they wish to end the relationship, they sound like a damn fool. Think it through, rehearse and ask your friend helping you to give honest feedback.
5. Remain calm, quiet and polite
Not everyone handles breakups easy. While one might fall to their knees and cry, others might escalate their shock and sorrow into an all-out rage of anger. It is important to understand the person you are breaking up with and scenarios for how they might react. If in fact the person could be a little, or a lot violent, you might consider having a friend close by in another room or waiting outside to quickly help you out of the situation before it escalates to a violent state. Be graceful – but be smart too!!Even if they are not taking it well and begin yelling or possibly even calling you names, remember, they are hurting badly. Try not to let your good sense be overridden by pride and anger as well. You want to be graceful and display class. Later, if the person still has nothing good to say about you at all, they can at least acknowledge the fact you broke up with them in the most delicate, polite and graceful manner as they could ever have hoped for.
6. Don’t put it off too long
When you know it has come time to end the relationship, don’t keep putting it off to avoid hurting their feelings. Yes, you should take time to do it right, but don’t just keep delaying it until it gets too deep. You will only do more harm than good. Not only that, but any chance of your being kind and considerate will slowly disappear if you are together long enough to begin hating them. Plus, the longer you delay, the more in love they might fall.7. Pick the right time and place
Whatever you do, do not breakup with your boyfriend or girlfriend while at a party, social function, at work or even worse, while on vacation. You have to consider that they will want time alone afterward. Breaking up with them at an event like a party, wedding or funeral not only isn’t at all thoughtful or cool on your part, but it leaves them with nowhere to hide while absorbing the shocking news that you have had days or weeks to prepare for!. This is worst way to break up with someone.Breaking up while on vacation or far off from home only means you will either be stranded there, or be forced to endure the hugely emotional ride home with all the friction, tension and uncomfortable feelings being tossed about the vehicle for who knows how long. Plan a time and place where you both can talk privately, and then go your separate ways and allow them time to heal a bit before being forced into public displays of emotional Hell.
8. Listen to them
Even though you might not want to listen to what they have to say, you have just ruined their day/week/LIFE by breaking up with them. You not only owe them a chance to speak their peace, they have darned well earned it. So as long as they are not going too crazy and screaming ugly things to you, least you can do is quietly listen as they clear their thoughts and emotions.9. Do Not Tell Anyone
(other than a trusted friend/sibling who is helping you rehearse, provide support and won’t gossip) Before Telling Them!!! It is amazing how many people display so little compassion towards others as to tell friends they are breaking up with their partner days before actually telling the partner!This not only hurts the one who is hearing of the demise of their love through second-hand sources, it also displays little grace, tact or class on your part to the ones you are telling this too! Have a respectable reputation for grace and owe yourself and your future ex better!
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